Why Your Team Doesn’t Trust You

Last month, I went down the rabbit hole of watching Band of Brothers—and both of its ‘brother’ miniseries, The Pacific and Masters of the Air.  I have always been somewhat of a World War II buff. I am not even sure why, but when I was a little kid, the topic was extremely popular in media. 

Given what I do for a living as a culture and leadership consultant, I can’t help but observe leadership in everything I read, watch, and experience. And these miniseries got me thinking: How do leaders lead people to their possible—even likely—death? What was the common thread in all of these leaders?

It wasn’t emotional intelligence. It wasn’t charisma or educational pedigree. It wasn’t even skills a lot of the time. Leaders were made in the field with limited experience. It was character. It was a clear demonstration that a man could be trusted, that he was a good person who cared about the others. He may have been lacking in every other way, but people trusted him enough to take orders that could be fatal. That is stunning.

It got me thinking not just about battlefield leadership, but the kind I see every day inside professional service firms—where people don’t risk their lives, but they do stake their careers, credibility, and well-being on who leads them. When I am called into cultures that need some work, I can typically crystallize the issues into one word: Trust. 

Let’s set the record straight: Your team understands the vision. It’s been plastered on slide decks, email signatures, and the lobby wall in inspirational font. You’ve said it in town halls. You’ve said it in strategy sessions. You’ve said it in your sleep, probably.

They understand the vision. They just don’t trust you. The real question is: Why not? Great question. Let’s unpack it with the candor of a brutally honest exit interview.

You Treat Transparency Like a Special Occasion

Your team hears about big changes through rumors, calendar invites, or Slack channels that mysteriously vanish. When they ask questions, they get corporate word salad that says a lot without saying anything.

Trust-killer.

Here’s the thing: People don’t need all the information, but they do need the truth. When you consistently hide, spin, or delay it, your team doesn’t feel “protected”— they feel played. If it affects them, they deserve to know the full picture. And it almost always affects them.  

Leaders keep information for lots of reasons. Perhaps they don’t want blame or to be accountable. Perhaps they don’t know the way forward. Perhaps they feel like information is power and they are afraid to share it.  Whatever the reason, it’s a bad move. In every single cultural survey that my firm has done, transparency has been cited as one of the top 3 issues that employees have with their workplace. 

Professional service firms, where trust is currency and reputations are built over decades, must figure out how to become more transparent to ignite their own teams toward positive action. When people don’t know or don’t fully understand, they either leave or they stay less productive.  

Your Words and Actions Don’t Align

You say: “We value work-life balance.” But you reward burnout like it’s a competitive sport.

You say: “We’re all in this together.” But you duck responsibility like it’s a dodgeball.

You say: “We value feedback.” But get twitchy when someone gives you any.

That gap between what you say and what you do? That’s where trust goes to die. You cannot expect people to do what you say when you aren’t doing it.  Leaders during battle are with their squadrons in battle. Their lives are on the line too. You have to live what you expect if you want to have character and have people trust you. 

In firms where rainmaking often gets top billing, leaders must be measured not only by their book of business, but by how well they develop people and culture. Leadership is the deliverable. It means how well your people do will help determine your own compensation. If we measure it, it grows. Don’t we always say that? Let’s measure leaders on leading then.  

You Lead Like People Are Lucky to Be There

When you lead with superiority—dropping phrases like “some people just don’t get it,” or reminding the team how much they should appreciate having a job—it doesn’t inspire loyalty. It inspires job searches.

Newsflash: Gratitude is a two-way street. If your team doesn’t feel respected, no amount of catered lunches or “optional” team-building exercises will fix that. This is all about mindset. You and your team are there to do something extraordinary together. The idea that anyone couldn’t find something else to do is faulty. People can always find somewhere else to shine. They have signed up to shine with you, in your firm. Help them shine and show you have their backs, both literally and figuratively.

You Only Show Up When Things Are on Fire

The last time your team saw you was during a crisis. You descended from your corner office like a stressed-out superhero, gave a pep talk no one asked for, and disappeared just as fast.

Trust isn’t built during emergencies—it’s built in the in-between. In the check-ins. In the small moments where you’re present, listening, and, you know… acting like a human. In TV shows, the leaders bothered to know and understand their people. They knew details. They could read the room and know when one of their team was really struggling or on the brink of a breakdown or burnout. Those tiny little pieces of knowledge and those small gestures to reach out, they mean EVERYTHING.

I once had a leader, the one I had when I made partner in a Big 4, and he was the complete opposite personality of me. He was introverted, soft-spoken, kind of stand-offish, and he was extremely politically astute. We ended up being a great team because he let me do nearly everything with autonomy, but was clear on the expectations. The year before I was promoted, my Dad got cancer and died. My leader showed up to my Dad’s calling hours (or visitation depending on where in the country you are) when he lived 4 hours away. That is something I will never forget—and will always be grateful for. That was 20 years ago. People remember. So give them something worth remembering.

You Confuse Being Feared with Being Respected

Your team might meet deadlines. They might stay late. They might laugh at your not-so-funny jokes. But are they doing it out of trust—or out of survival?

Respect rooted in fear is counterfeit. Real trust is when people feel safe enough to tell you the truth before it becomes a problem. If everyone’s nodding but no one’s honest? Congratulations, you’ve created a culture of compliance, not commitment. This is where culture becomes a series of episodes where it’s clear nobody is truly excited to be there, but they need the job. The results of that kind of culture are mediocre at best. At worst, you’ll be losing people, burning them out, and few will be happy to show up.

So… What Do You Do Now?

Good news: Trust can be rebuilt. Slowly. Painfully. But it can. Here’s how:

·    Say what you mean, and mean it.
·    Own your mistakes—publicly.
·    Ask real questions and stay long enough to hear the answers.
·    Keep promises, even when they’re inconvenient.
·    Show up—not just for results, but for people.

Because here’s the truth: Your team wants to trust you. They want to believe in the vision, the firm, and you. They will forgive you your mistakes if you own them. But they won’t trust what you say until they can trust who you are.

So don’t lead louder. Lead better.

And please, retire the phrase “It’s just business.” It’s never just business when people are involved. Business is very personal. Without character, you cannot lead. It’s as simple as that.

So, my last question for you is this:  Do you trust yourself?  Would you want you as a leader?  Start there.